The Visit

It’s been so long yet here you are. You walk through my door and it’s as if you never left. Your kiss familiar, your hold many moments longer, neither one of us wants to let go. There’s that feeling that, when we embrace for the first time after this extended absence, it as though we have to acclimate and accept that we’re real. Tangible. Not going to disappear if we let go. Afraid to let go. Relishing in each other. I bury my face in your neck and drink you in. Inhale… Exhale. My shoulders relax. Completion.

We jump into the old rhythm easily. Conversation is light doing the “catch up thing”. I busy myself making you tea, my heart fluttering, happy and unbelieving that you’re in front of me once again.

As time passes and our bodies move closer we don’t want to break contact. A hand on the leg, my fingers brushing the back of your neck, your fingers brushing my cheek, hip to hip. We talk into the wee hours, not saying all of the things that we want to say but knowing we eventually have to Go There.

Throughout the night your body moves closer and closer. I move; you move. Shoulder to ankle, feet entwined. And I know that I adore you because your feet don’t repel me like every other human’s feet do. We sleep. Deeply. We are comfortable together. Familiar. Your snores music to my ears. A sound only a lover can love. When we wake in the morning you have moved me to the edge of the massive bed, an effort to stay at my side.

The last night. We avoid Going There as long as we can. Sharing music, laughing, my head in your lap. I drink you in, afraid to take my eyes from you, afraid you’ll disappear. Knowing you’re about to disappear in mere hours. You call me “Beautiful Girl” and it makes me shine. Then…

Silence.

We start. We say all the things we have been avoiding. Going deeper than we ever have. The man I felt as though I knew inside and out reveals more than he ever has, a sign to me that his heart is beating closer to mine, sharing the rhythm we’ve been moving toward for years. We go just far enough to be spent and then curl together in sleep. This time I feel you, as the night passes, not quite as close as before as if you’re unconsciously separating as you know we inevitably must do in a few hours. I wake to your grey eyes and want to hold them. I take a mental snapshot. Click. I spray your cologne on my wrist so I can smell it throughout the day after you leave.

We part, most questions answered but the ones left unanswered a much deeper chasm. Yet I feel peace because I know you’ve come back to me, at least for these few days and it’s enough. This time. And now I’ll wait for the time when you will walk through my door again and I can nervously make your tea with my heart fluttering, happy and disbelieving that you’re in front of me. We’ll move into the same rhythm again and perhaps go deeper next time until maybe…..just maybe, we’ll finally get to the place where, when we part, the chasm will merely be the absence of you and not absence of our uncertain future.

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~ by cinderellawasdelusional on May 29, 2013.

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