Back – and Happy?

I haven’t posted in a long time. As I’ve mentioned before my creative outlets ebb and flow. There will be months where I’m primarily painting and not writing. Other times I’ll find my love of the words again and the ideas will be spilling out of Keyboard. Whatever. In the past year I’ve been painting a lot but I’ve also been finding that I’ve been in a creative slump. It happens. When I’m in that mindset I can’t force the words to come and I can’t force the brush to produce anything that doesn’t feel forced. I will say that my most creative times come out of intense emotion, whether I’m very angry, hurt or happy. It’s the times when I’m on an even keel that nothing comes out, which is unfortunate, but is also part of an artistic soul – at least my artistic soul.

That being said, I’ve actually been putting out some really good pieces here and there,  if I do say so myself:

Not too bad, huh?

The past few months have been… interesting. The Him-stake from the last post resurfaced and proved himself to be as much as a douchbag as I originally thought. I got some closure, however, and realized that my original opinion of him was correct. Oddly, he turned out to be an even bigger dick than I thought he was the first round, which was pretty hard to top. I did get to tell him that I burned his book. (Shivee!) I cannot even tell you how satisfying that was. I felt guilty for about a minute & a half until he showed his true colors. Again. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice… The best part of it all was realizing that I wasn’t wrong.

I love it when I’m right.

The reason I’m writing now? I’m happy. Truly happy. I haven’t felt this in SO long. I was talking to a woman at work earlier this week and she stopped, cocked her head to the side and said, “Man, you look really good. You’re glowing. You look happy,” and I realized that I was. What an amazing feeling!

Over the past few months I have been talking with someone from my past, someone I never thought would enter my life again, but he has, and it’s good. I had my doubts. (Read: shame me once…) But I also made the decision that I was going to just let things roll. I wasn’t going to over-analyze like I always do. I wasn’t going to dwell on the past or read into things. I was going to take it easy and be casual. I wasn’t going to let my heart move at warp speed or make the situation anything it wasn’t. These are the mistakes I’ve always made and they’re detrimental ones if I am totally honest with myself. They lead to insecurity and lack of strength and that always translates to the relationship – and subsequently lack of a relationship. I made up my mind when we started talking again that I was just going to go with the flow, and I have, and look what’s happening…  And even if it doesn’t turn into anything, that’s OK. I feel good about it. Feel good about having him in my life, as my friend, and hopefully something else.


Go figure.


~ by PoshmarkPaige on February 23, 2011.

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