Burn the Pretense

I’ve spent my life operating under the philosophy that you should be nice to people. You should respect them and treat them like you would want to be treated. It’s a fairly simple concept, really. It’s not hard to say ask yourself the question, “How would that make me feel if he/she did that do me?” If I would be hurt/angered by it, don’t do it. Simple enough.

What I have been finding is that most people don’t operate this way, expecially when you’re in the world of dating and relationships. I can only remember a handful of times when I’ve dated or was in a relationship with someone who really cared about my heart, really cared about how their actions could be perceived, really cared that their behavior might hurt another person.

I’m, quite honestly, sent over the edge by my most recent experience, one that validated to me, once again, that most people in this world don’t care about those things, so I suppose I should disclaimer this post by saying:

I’ve had it. Really, really, REALLY had it. Internet dating can go blow a big bag of dicks. There isn’t a genuine person left in that world.

I came to a realization today; I am no longer going to live my life with even a shred of untruth. I am no longer going to not say what I want to say. I am no longer going to put aside anything I really think because of some misguided belief that I should hold back in order to be successful in a relationship. I’m usually this way by nature anyway, but I have been known to censor a bit here and there just to be nice, to give a good first impression. I’m an open book, typically, but when it’s a feeling about YOU I’ll usually just either keep my mouth shut or deflect because it’s the NICE THING TO DO.

What’s the point?

If the guys I meet are all going to act badly, without respect for me or my heart, then why should I be the sweet one? Maybe this is why I’m still single, because I’m too nice, too caring, too respectful. I’ve always, for some reason, believed that if I was kind to everyone, especially the person I’m dating, then they will treat me similarly to how I treat them. I’m 38 years old and I’ve finally learned the lesson that it’s NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. I still feel like we’re in 7th grade and I went to that all-grade party at my crush’s house and no one told me the cold night air had….perked-up my nipply areas ans that the backlighting and bonfire was giving me backlighting & a natural set up right out of a porn. Plus, the entire grade’s boy population was getting chubbies because I had no clue. Even the boy I was going out with, who had always been sweet, didn’t clue me in on the aerola vs. white shirt situation, just let it go, let me be the laughing stock.

Moral of the story: No matter how nice the guy seems at first, no matter what kind of promises he makes, he’s FULL OF SHIT and is going to show his true colors eventually.

Now, if you’re the last guy on the planet who actually is nice and desires to be in a relationship, I apologize, but I gotta tell you, I’m now going to operate under the assumption that there isn’t a man left who can act with even a modicum of good behavior because it keeps being proven to me over and over that there isn’t many who can.

This has ultimately led me to the decision that I’m done with the pretense. I’m going to say what I think, when I think it. I am not going to hold back anymore just because you might take it the wrong way. Now, I will be respectful – I always am – but I will no longer allow even the slightest bit of ungenuine words, thoughts, or behavior in my life. This isn’t going to only be with the people I date. This is going to be with everyone. Watch out.

For example:

If you talk to me in a little-witty-baby voice and I think you sound like a total douchebag, I’m not going to close my eyes and act like I don’t hear you. I am going to tell you that you sound like a douchebag.

If you feed me line after line of ‘possible soulmate’ talk and discuss our future together when we’ve only just met, I’m going to tell you that you’re full of shit.

If my gut tells me that you are full of said shit and I ignore it because I got swept up in your fantasy and ability to speak lyrically the onus is on me for letting it happen, but then I’m going to walk away.

If I was questioning our physical attraction when we met I’m not going to stay through lunch, faking it, just because I want to be nice or give you a chance because I thought you might be a good guy (you weren’t).

If I think that the fact that your car got keyed because karma came back to bite you in the ass for all the times you disrespected other people I’ll tell you.

And I won’t keep your book with your bullshit “new beginnings” inscription to me on my bookshelf because that would just be a LIE.

This kind of behavior is out of character for me – as an avid book lover/collector I don’t typically burn beloved tomes – but something in me snapped today. I needed an outlet. I needed a voice. I needed some closure. I needed some destruction and fire. Purging of all of this pretense and bad energy is completely liberating. Plus, I love it when my hair smells like a bonfire.

Cheers, y’all! This new phase of my life is gonna be FUN!

Whaddya say? Care to join me? Call someone on their shit today and then drop me a line because I want to hear ALL about it.


~ by PoshmarkPaige on September 11, 2010.

One Response to “Burn the Pretense”

  1. […] past few months have been… interesting. The Him-stake from the last post resurfaced and proved himself to be as much as a douchbag as I originally thought. I got some […]

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