One For the Boys – How to Lose a Girl With One Text

I think it’s time for some advice for the boys.

Women don’t like needy.

I don’t care how much we whine about wanting men to be more sensitive and caring, more attuned to our needs, yadda yadda. While we do want that to a degree, girls do not want a dude who comes across as desperate or needy. Instant. Turnoff. To be 100% honest, you can’t come back from that one. Once you’ve made that mistake, the candle is blown out and your shot with us becomes less than slim to none. You’d have to turn into Superman, Mr. Universe and Arie Luyendyk, Jr. (MY future husband – GIRLS – MITTS OFF!!) all wrapped into one and, even then, you probably still need to take stock and move onto the next unsuspecting woman and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD hopefully having learned from your mistakes. I’m about to educate you so pay attention. We all know you have the attention span of gnats.

There is a fine line between being caring & respectful and being needy. Don’t cross it.

Example of a Texting Exchange Comparison between Normal Dude and Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude

Normal Dude being Caring & Respectful when girlfriend is sick:

Normal Dude: Hey babe, how are you feeling? Need anything? 

Girlfriend: No, thanks though. I’m feeling pretty rotten. I think I’m just going to sleep it off. Can we talk tomorrow?

Normal Dude: Sure! Just let me know if you need anything. Hope you get to feeling better. We’ll talk soon. XO

Nicely done, Normal Dude. You came across as caring with just the right amount of attentiveness. You knew when to back off.

And now, we’ll see what happens when you have a Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude being overly-attentive and making it all about his insecurities…

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: Hey babe, how are you feeling? Do you need soup? I’ll be happy to stop and buy you whatever you need from the store, just give me a list and I’ll be there. Need Kleenex or cold medicine?

Girlfriend: No I don’t need anything, just feeling pretty rotten. I think I’m just going to sleep it off. Can we talk tomorrow?

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: Did I say something wrong? Why don’t you want to talk to me? Can’t we just text? I know you’re not feeling well. Oh, I’m so sorry… I hope I didn’t say anything to make you feel worse.

Girlfriend: Don’t worry about it. Promise, we’ll talk tomorrow.

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: Are you mad at me? Are you sure you don’t need anything?? I can bring you some Gatorade. Oh, that reminds me – are you staying hydrated?? I’m soooo worried about you! Seriously, I can be there in, like, thirty minutes.

Girlfriend: I told you, everything is fine. I’m not upset. I’m just feeling really crummy and want to go to sleep. I’m really tired. Let’s talk tomorrow, OK?

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: You ARE mad. I knew it. Please just tell me what I did wrong. I didn’t mean to make you want to not talk to me. I am almost crying here – I don’t want to upset you when you’re sick!

Girlfriend falls asleep and doesn’t answer his text. About 30 minutes pass….

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: See? This is what I’ve always told you that I’m worried about, that you’ll get tired of me and then not want to talk to me. I know it’s why you didn’t answer my text. It’s not like I’m asking to come over. I just want to text. Unless you’re achy, then your hands might hurt… I don’t want you to text if it hurts your pretty fingers.

5 Minutes pass…

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: I know you’re mad but are you OK? You haven’t answered me…I just care about you so much…

3 Minutes pass…

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: OK I’m really starting to get worried now. PLEASE ANSWER ME. I just want to know you’re OK.

2 Minutes pass…

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: Why aren’t you answering me…??????????????

2 Minutes pass…

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: HELLOO????????

1 Minute passes…

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: HELLOO?????????!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!???

1 Minute passes…

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: OK I’m seriously about to come over. I just Facebooked the girl who lives next door to you and asked her to go check on you.

Girlfriend: OMG I just fell asleep! I’m FINE. I will talk to you tomorrow! I am going to sleep now and am turning off the phone so if I don’t answer don’t go all postal on me. Jeez, it’s just a cold… I will call you in the morning. Good NIGHT.

Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude: I knew you were mad at me… I’m so sorry… I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow. *sigh* I just wanted to know you were OK because I care about you so much… : ((((((((((((( Please don’t be mad at me. Please call me right when you wake up so I know you are alright.

You get the idea. Now, this may seem like an extreme example but I have had men who act like this. It is the worst possible type of man to get involved with. You spend more time justifying normal every day stuff when it should just be a typical exchange between two people.

To any men where this exchange may look similar to a conversation you’ve had in the past (or, God forbid, had recently) – sit up and take notice: You look weak, girly and women will not want to have sex with you.

This type of man never changes, only gets worse with time. You give them an inch; they message your entire Facebook friend list.

If you see this type of exchange happening early on – Run, Forrest, RUUUN!!!! Unless, of course, you are a co-dependent-seeking woman in which case, go for it, PLEASE!, because that’s one less Needy, Clingy and Desperate Dude that’s out there that I might run into and have to make up a fake break-up story just to get him off my back…

~ by cinderellawasdelusional on September 7, 2012.

2 Responses to “One For the Boys – How to Lose a Girl With One Text”

  1. This is fantastic, I’m not sure what I like more the needy desperate boy’s interaction or this line “You look weak, girly and women will not want to have sex with you.” Love it all.

    Side note, I think even the normal guys response is needy…but then again i have a thing for bad boys sooo any unwarranted text message seems needy ;)

    The absolute worst is when they write poems! Yuck! Have you ever had that happen? ;)

    • See, that’s the thing. I totally have a thing for bad boys as well. So this type of guy just makes me want to go bitch slap him, shove some chaw in his mouth and make him go grill something.

      And as for your last question, You cannot be trusted and must be punished. ;)

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